Trust Exercises

A few weeks ago, my friends played a game which involved blindfolded people throwing socks at each other in the middle of the road.

I watched.

I hate not participating, but for me, this was just one of those things where I had no choice.

I don’t like being blindfolded.

I mentioned in a previous blog entry that I am not afraid of the dark, which is true, but the feeling of total blindness still deeply unnerves me. Which is why I sometimes have problems in the darkroom, processing film. Total darkness sometimes makes me panic. It isn’t the dark - its not being able to see. It is trust. It is trusting that I will be okay; putting the control in someone else’s hands.

In primary school, Year 5 specifically, we went on an excursion to Blackbutt Reserve for ‘Buddy Training Day’. (I don’t know if all schools have this, but my primary school had a buddy system which paired kindergarten children with year-sixers. So that the little ones would feel less overwhelmed.) Anyway, one of the exercises that day was a trust exercise - we were to pair up, and one of us would be blindfolded while the other led us “safely” up the path. I was the blindfolded one. My partner led me straight into a huge concrete BBQ, and I tripped over. It hurt - not just physically.

Over the years, this same thing has happened to me more times than I can count. Blindly trusting somebody to have my back, to protect me, and then getting hurt. It happens to everyone, all the time. But for some reason, I have always, always, been the blindfolded one.

On my Year 12 Retreat, we played a game. In a large room, we were each assigned an animal. We were blindfolded and had to crawl around on the ground making that animal’s sound, listening and trying to find others like us (which, to me, sounds like a metaphor for the entire high school experience). Is it just me, or are these games that they make you play in school always unnecessarily cruel? Teachers are sadists.

I was a kookaburra. I crawled around making kookaburra noises. I couldn’t see anything, could only hear. The animal noises began to mingle with the conversation, and soon disappeared altogether. I never found the other kookaburras. I sat on the floor for what seemed like (and turned out to be) ages. Eventually, I pulled off the blindfold, not caring if I got told off for not playing the stupid game. Only to find that I was the only one still on the ground. Only to discover that I was the only one left blindfolded. Surrounded by a sea of legs, I looked up at all of the people socialising, wondering how it could be that nobody told me we weren’t playing anymore, and that I had been making a fool of myself - sitting there, blindfolded, kookaburra-laughing my head off.

Back to the sock game. While I watched, several times the game was paused because a car was coming, and those with blindfolds were quickly lifted out of the way by other members of the group. And I have to admit that it unnerved me a bit. I have known plenty of people over the years who wouldn’t have done that for me.

The point is that I have a lot of reason not to trust. I have a lot of reason to be scared of being led blindly. But some fears need to be faced, so next time, I am not going to just sit on the sidelines and watch.

For once in my life, I have people around me that I know I can count on. So I am just going to have to put on that blindfold and put myself in their hands - and just know that they won’t let me get hurt.

So this was my day…
Bought my Flight of the Conchords ticket, spent time with Liv, went to Emma Soup and bought this incredibly gorgeous satchel and a kitty brooch, and ate a lavender-flavoured macaron. I wore my new macaron gumboots and jumped in puddles like a little kid, and kept thinking how amazing life is… ♥
So, I went and bought my ticket, and then was so excited that this happened. Couldn’t help myself. I needed to hug it.
My new gumboots…
 I think I am in love…… <3
The Language of Flowers

Right, so at the moment I am re-reading ‘The Language of Flowers’ by Vanessa Diffenbaugh (who has a very pretty-sounding surname). It is a great book; the characters are rich and interesting, and it made me feel things. If you are looking for something to read, I wholeheartedly recommend it - although, only after you have read ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ by John Green. If you haven’t read this book yet, you need to. Now. What are you doing still reading this? Go and read it now!

Anyway, I am not writing a book review (yet - DUN DUN DUN!).

I remembered that in the back of the book there is a dictionary of flowers and their meanings, and I just looked up my favourite flower, violets. This is what it said:

Violet (Viola) … Modest Worth

For some reason, this really resonated with me, like, it seemed to describe me, somehow. So I did some more research.

The following meanings have been associated with violets: modesty, virtue, affection, watchfulness, faithfulness, love, taking chances, and happiness.

Funny thing is, these words can all be applied to my personality. I am a positive, happy person, I take chances, I am a bit of a romantic, I love my friends, I am loyal, I prefer to be an observer rather than a doer, I am affectionate, and I am modest (I actually used to hate getting compliments on my work, because I didn’t think it was worth them. This is starting to change though).

It is awfully curious that my favourite flower says so much about me…

T-Shirt Musings…

I am not going to lie to you when I say that, personality-wise, I am more of a cute-dress-tights-and-boots kind of girl than I am a t-shirt and jeans one. And yet, for those who know me, which of those outfits do I wear more?

There are a couple of reasons why the last few months (in particular), I have been wearing my collection of awesome t-shirts more than my collection of awesome dresses. The first being that, my dresses don’t currently look as amazing on me as they used to, due to leading a very sedentary lifestyle (hey - it isn’t my fault, my job requires me to sit down all day and make things! You can’t do origami on a treadmill!) The second reason: I am not only an introvert, but an incredibly shy one. So on top of preferring to be quiet and thoughtful, I find it incredibly hard to actually talk to people, even when I want to.

Where do t-shirts come into this? First, let us examine my range of t-shirts: 2x Doctor Who shirts (Matt Smith AND David Tennant. Do not make me choose between them), Captain Hammer shirt, Alex Day ‘What Happened to You?’ shirt (feat. Pikachu, Mario, and Sonic), Alex Day ‘Priori Incanfandom’ shirt, Power Rangers shirt, kittens shirt, Puddi Puddi shirt, and a Hitchhiker’s/Twitter Fail Whale shirt. What do these have in common? They reflect my interests. For someone who finds it hard to talk to people I don’t know, I have discovered that these t-shirts provide a nice starting point (the starting point usually being the other person complimenting me on my awesome taste). On my orientation day at uni, I was able to have several conversations with people about Doctor Who, as I was wearing my Matt Smith shirt (unfortunately, those conversations were mostly about how the other person hates Matt Smith).

I like my t-shirts. They allow me to be slightly less socially awkward. And that is a pretty amazing thing.

YAY!
The first two of the Sherlock Holmes novels I ordered arrived today! (Although, considerably less exciting when I realise that these are the two I have already read. I have 3 more on preorder from The Book Depository that should be here in a month.)
I actually already own these ones, and as I just mentioned, have read them a few times. However, my copy of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes is one that I got second-hand for 30 cents at last year’s uni book fair. And the copy of A Study In Scarlet that I got for my birthday doesn’t match the other one. And I am slightly OCD about having matching sets of things. Hence the TV tie-in editions of the books, purchased for the following reasons:
1. They match.
2. Benedict. Benedict’s face on the cover of my books. My books are pretty.
3. Introductions by Moffat, Gatiss, Benedict, Martin (?) and I don’t remember who else.
Rain, hail or shine!
This was me, at the Olive Tree Markets the other day, with my stall.
It was freezing; like winter. It was, in fact, the first time I have worn my (WINNING) ‘University of Gallifrey’ hoodie. That is right. It is early March, and I was wearing hoodie, jeans and boots (and a beanie too!) Crazy Newcastle weather.
Anyway, in spite of the rain - which I didn’t really mind that much (and which cleared up anyway) - I, as always, had a great time.
As it turns out, my stall was right across from my uni-friend Shana’s stall. What are the odds? A pleasant surprise on the day. :)
A big thank you to my friends, who came along to see me, and who bought things. Hugs throughout a market day are enough to keep me going (well…hugs and macarons).
Can’t wait until next time!
"You’re like a rare, awesome book."
—  You have got to love compliments.